It is a fact that seasonal depression exists, and at the end of the year, holidays are one of the most emotional times that can bring together many loved ones to share experiences and traditions.
After a couple years, normality has started to return to most households following the pandemic. However, many families have lost loved ones due to COVID-19. Empty seats have appeared, and grief and loss is a sentiment that brings undesired and difficult emotions for many.
Having lost someone can impact members of families greatly, some more than others, and some unfortunately end up with seasonal depression.
Manny Sanchez, therapist and co-founder of PILLAR — a behavior health center that provides readily accessible, quality mental health and substance abuse addiction care for men, women, youth and families — stated that is normal to feel bad when missing someone who has died. Many think that life must go on, ‘el muerto al pozo y el vivo al gozo,’ however, grieving and sensing emotions is a vital part of dealing with the loss of a loved one.
“There is no reason why people should shy away from having conversations about how much you miss a person that you lost. It’s very healthy to talk about things,” Sanchez said. “If you’re around people that they all have the same sentiment that person not being there anymore, something that is very healthy is being able to talk about positive memories involving that person.”
Sanchez shared that a client is currently dealing with a case related to suicide, and he believes that having someone to talk to is the key to overcome and live with great sentiments of loss.
A very helping dynamic to perform in family is to gather together, set rules and have a conversation about loved ones who are no longer here.
“Everybody has to say a story that’s positive, nobody says anything negative,” Sanchez said. “Let’s say a story that has a human in it. Everybody’s remembering that individual at a time, brings the family together.
“It should not something that no one talks about. It’s something that you embrace, because maybe every year that you get together you remember that person and sharing positive stories about that person brings unity and healing.”
Suffering alone is one of the most dangerous things that can exist regarding mental health and can bring negative ways to cope such as feelings of loneliness and issues like substance abuse and even suicide. Because of this reason, Sanchez said it is important to communicate how and what we feel. However, living on the border does not have a positive role in resolving bouts of depression and anxiety.
“The worst thing someone can do is suffer inside,” Sanchez said. “It is very hard growing up on the border because you have cultural influences. I learned from an early age that whatever happens at home, you don’t talk about it, or if you’re a male you shouldn’t tell people that you’re sad or scared. That puts a lot of pressure on individuals.
“Being able to talk to someone — a trusted adult, a professional — about feeling sad or feeling lonely takes a lot for people in general to do, but especially I’ve noticed here on the border with the Hispanic culture it’s even more challenging. Most of us are told that’s not something we should do.”
Sanchez said communication should be implemented for healing to exist.
“There are people living long lives carrying around depressive or anxious states because they haven’t talked to somebody to resolve what’s causing those are symptoms,” Sanchez said. “If you’re depressed, if you’re anxious, there is a root problem that’s causing that. So if you never address it, the problems are never going to go away. Just like if you have an infection in your tooth. If you don’t treat the infection, that toothache is going to continue to be there. You can take medicine to numb it, but if you don’t treat the infection, it’s not going to go away.
“You can get distracted and have fun, but at the end you still have those issues to deal with because what’s causing them hasn’t been resolved.”
Sanchez highlighted that it’s important, especially during the holidays, that it is not necessary to suffer in silence when you can turn to someone, such as a trusted adult or a mental health professional to get help.
“You don’t have to suffer like that anymore,” Sanchez said. “We need to convince ourselves that keeping things inside is not healthy. Talking about them makes a difference, and you don’t always have to talk to somebody that’s been trained in the mental health field. Just somebody lending you an ear goes a long way.”